Trouble Falling Asleep
She lets two of her fingers touch herself,
the room, not quite dark,
a streetlight finding a crack
through the front window curtains.
It’s well past midnight,
he is snoring, as he always does,
keeping her awake, to think.
She lies on her back,
eyes open, staring at an overhead fan,
she isn’t wet yet, might not get wet,
she just wants to feel something different,
make herself remember someone else, get dreamy,
maybe that boy from college who was game for anything,
or the colleague at work who once
kissed her in a closet at the office Christmas party.
A well imagined George Clooney would do in a pinch, too.
It’s too late to read a book,
besides, she doesn’t want to read,
to have to turn on the nightstand lamp,
possibly awaken him, obliged then
to make an excuse why she isn’t sleeping.
He wouldn’t understand, might get annoyed,
get up from bed, go to the bathroom, mumbling,
finish, flush the toilet, come back to bed, telling her,
“It’s late, for Christ’s sake. Go to sleep.”
She doesn’t want to upset him,
she just wants to feel something different.
What to Wear
She doesn’t know what to wear.
They are going out for dinner,
he didn’t say where they might go.
She had mentioned in passing she didn’t feel like cooking,
it isn’t a special occasion, just a Friday in February.
He is careful about how he spends his money.
something that wasn’t always true.
They will probably stay in town, go to the diner, have the fish fry special.
There were so many things she had bought,
with her own money, that she had never worn,
pretty things, just hanging in the closet
or tucked away in a dresser drawer
in the back bedroom, out of sight,
dresses, blouses, sweaters, skirts above her knees,
even underthings, waiting for the right occasion to wear.
She knew now, in her heart: I will never wear any of those things.
Thomas Bonville has lived within two miles of the Hudson River all of his life. He regularly reads, writes and converses with the Rensselaerville Poets, as well as participates in open mics at 394 Main in Catskill and Pine Hollow in Slingerlands, NY.